sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
