Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
