you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
