Yo dont text me then not text me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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