1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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