Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
