And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She's the barista slut.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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