So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
