I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
