did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
