no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
