Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
