I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
