He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
