And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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