i think my tv is drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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