i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
