I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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