I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
