please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
