Will you blow on my dice?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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