I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
