That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
