Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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