Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We don't watch enough power rangers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
