please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This baby is an asshole
He better not be in your backpack
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
