when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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