I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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