By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
