im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
