No awkward lesbian experiences without me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
