Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
