Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
