tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
