im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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