Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
