I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
