there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
