I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
