we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
