Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
