if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
