Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
