i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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