So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
