there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
