Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
