i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
