i already hear my dad disowning me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
