Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and she was petting her beer can
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
