i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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