You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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