Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
His nipple licking is glorious
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