The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
