Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
