Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
